3 Ways Skyrim Ruins Lives
When Skyrim first came out in Nov. 2011, I swear the earth stopped spinning for a week. Every video game message board, every Tweet, every meme was Skyrim-centered. It infiltrated food blogs and YouTube videos. And even when big news broke that PS3 owners were suing EA over Battlefield 3, Skyrim stole the spotlight in the comments:
Now, one year later, many gamers are emerging from their dungeons—err, bedrooms. After clocking hundreds of hours, most of them don’t know what to do next. They’re alone, blurry-eyed, and craving more.
Let’s face it. Skyrim ruins lives. Here’s how:
It alienates you from the world.
When every story you have revolves around attacking mammoths, haggling with merchants, or exploring Hagraven-infested lairs, nobody in the real world will understand what you’re talking about—or care to learn.
Because of enthralling quests and a huge map to explore, it’s not hard to get addicted to Skyrim. You’ll live a lonely existence, cut off from friends and family. Sure, you might have a spouse like Vorstag or Aela the Huntress to keep you company, but let’s be real. You’re the famous Dragonborn—but only in the video game world. You probably won’t see another living human being for days.
Say goodbye to your friends. Endure long lectures from Mom and Dad about socializing. And prepare to bury your neglected kitty, who depends on you for water and food to survive.
It makes your health suffer.
Think about it: you’re locked in your room for days on end. Unless you live with a darling mother who’ll take care of you, you’re not going to eat, sleep, or exercise for, like, months. (Not that she has any say on your exercise routine, or lack thereof.)
OK, you’ll eat, but it’ll most likely be Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Not exactly healthy choices, so don’t be surprised when your blood sugar skyrockets. Or maybe you’ll munch on too many fatty nom-noms and gain 30 pounds.
Either way, your body won’t be happy with you.
Oh! Don’t forget about sunlight! Vitamin D is essential for the human body. If you don’t get enough of it, you’ll turn into Smeagol. Just soggy, pallid skin. And nobody wants that.
It’s a never-ending cycle.
When you finally do emerge from your chamber, it won’t take long to retreat.
The great thing about Skyrim is you can play it differently every time. Create a brand new character. Then tackle the world from scratch, but this time…
- Become a mage
- Perfect the art of thievery
- Stick with the war-hammer class
- Buy and furnish every house
- Court every potential mate until you find the right one
Then try to beat every side quest.
Bethesda knows what they’re doing—they know how to keep gamers coughing up the dough for the same game. There will always be a new expansion pack to buy. Rumor has it that the next Skyrim DLC will have dragon mounts! I mean, hello! Who wants my wallet? Just have it. Take it. I’ll gladly pay to ride a dragon, even if it’s scripted.
What do you think? Why do you keep playing Skyrim? And how has it ruined your life?